Alright so maybe I will stop being coy and brag. Frankly, this weekend was worth bragging about.
So the story left off with Major and I having a fun date Wednesday (with the frozen lake and food poisoning recovery) and we weren’t sure when we’d get to see each other again.
Thursday Major found out he would be working in western Nebraska but would be staying in Hastings, a manageable distance for a date. I cut the crap and asked if he had plans for the weekend. Once he said he was free I told him to figure out a date for us. I believe I used the lines “You’re the guy, plan something for Saturday.” or something like that. I’m finding I don’t act ambiguously with Major, I just let him know what I’m really thinking (a dangerous thing, I know).
Not long after he asked how I would feel if he met my parents.
That was unexpected. I spent a good 15 minutes pacing back and forth just trying to process what he’d just asked. But then I realized I was actually okay if he met my parents, and I told him I’d be cool if he did. He then clarified that he thought he’d be going to my home ward and would run into my mom anyways, so he figured he’d ask and give me the heads up.
In a further twist of fate Major was going to be able to come to Omaha for the weekend! I gotta admit, I was curious if this guy would be able to put up with me for a whole weekend. I mean, I dance to the microwave when I think no one is watching- imagine being stuck with that for 48 hours?
Friday I got off of work and met Major at a Midtown art museum I’d never visited before. I found him sitting in front of a painting that depicted cute-homicidal bunnies and robots. I knew I liked this guy.
We even found some sculptures by an artist I’ve admired since I’ve lived in Omaha. They’re called The Vermin Me project, and these figures are hidden all over Omaha. And now I have one hidden in my room (I named him Bruce the 2nd).
Then the night went by fast with a trip to Hollywood Candy
Yes we ate chocolate covered crickets. Frankly I’ve been wanting to do this but never found anyone else crazy enough to help push me to do it. I think we’ll be able to eat the ant and scorpion suckers in no time.
Then off for some leather looking
Man we look fierce in leather jackets. I think it would have been fiercer though if we could’ve found a jacket that could actually fit Major… He’s 6’4. Just wanted to mention that.
And we had to try on a few hats too
There is a 90% chance I’m going to get some of those hats once I’m not poor. I’ll go up to people and yell “You shall not pass!” during finals week. I’m motivational like that.
Since Major is from Alabama I thought we’d try a southern restaurant named Jazz. During dinner Major challenged me and I took the biggest bites of my food as I could. Sadly I’m one who likes to go above and beyond, so I ended up having to chew with my mouth open. Major picked a real winner, lemme tell ya…
Finally we ended the night with Donut Stop (where you find people building boats in Mutant Ninja pajamas on a regular basis) and a walk around town. So he survived his first 10 hours with me just fine. Though I’m surprised he wasn’t murdered in his sleep after what we did to MT.
He stayed with MT and our friend Ashley asked Major and I if we could tickle MT as revenge for tickling her. I’m always up for opportunities for revenge, and luckily so is Major. So when we stopped at MT’s Major just went up and tickled a man he barely knew. It was beautiful to watch. MT is still emotionally scarred because he wasn’t wearing his glasses so all he saw was this gigantic 6’4 blur tickling him. I’m sure MT will get over being tickle-violated eventually … I hope.
How do you describe a day that was perfect and dreadful at the same time? If you know how tell me and I’ll put it on here. Frankly I couldn’t wake up early enough to hang out with Major some more. So much that I think MT was a little put off by hearing me outside his door at 8 A.M. on a Saturday… I really need to make up to MT for all he put up with.
So Major and I got to spend some time just being lazy until we were awake enough to go experience the Josalyn Museum. I don’t think I’ve ever had so much fun at a museum before. I think the company had something to do with it
Sadly he had to break it to me that he had to get back to Grand Island sooner than we’d thought. But all good things have to come to an end. So we went on a road trip filled with junk food and great conversation.
I called my family to tell them that I would be in GI and they said to meet them for a Grand Island Danger (indoor arena football) game. Major said he’d drop me off with my family. I can’t even begin to describe how down-hearted I was that our night was going to have to end. But when we got there…
Major surprised me and told me that he was coming with me to the game, and it was all a surprise he’d been planning since Thursday. Lets just say, he won over my family Especially my mom…
So now it’s back to speculating when we’ll see each other next. Until then, my family shall constantly being pulling stunts like this
So… Turns out I got to see Major a lot sooner than I thought. And a lot more than I thought I’d get to.
But you know what? I think that I’m going to keep most of the weekend to myself. For now. I think I’m starting to learn good things don’t need to be all over the internet cosmos- yet. But I will share a few details, and you can make the rest up yourself until I feel like telling the story
And that’s all you’re getting Like I said, some things are best kept to yourself. Though those were real chocolate covered crickets I ate. Yeah, I’m pretty hard core like that.
This could very well be the last thing I ever post. This may sound over dramatic, but I’ve been suffering through food poisoning since Tuesday. Death shall soon be welcomed like an old friend.
Regardless of my impending fate caused by a hot pocket I had once loved so much, I should at least start talking about things you actually want to know about.
First, let’s commemorate the fact that it’s the 3 year anniversary of this blog. Holy. Cow.
I honestly never thought I’d stick with it for so long. I don’t think any of my pets would last this long with me if they weren’t so self-sufficient, so a blog that dies without my care really means a lot.
It’s been fun to go through and see how much has changed, and how much I let myself come through my writing. Now if only I could get my mom to un-see some of what I write…
Also, on the eve of this 3 year Minor-versary I had a fun date with Major. I think what is going to be fun about this is Major already told me how he thought things went, and now he (and the entire internet-cosmos) get to read my point of view.
Just make sure before you read anymore of this that you read He Put A Ring On It to get some background for this post.
So Tuesday morning my body turned against me and rejected the Hot Pocket I had enjoyed so much. Really, the whole day was just a blur of vomit, school, and naps. The fact that I still went to class shows my dedication, or that I must be doing so poorly I can’t afford to skip.
Wednesday came and I was still in rough shape that I had to call in sick to work. By the way have you ever read the quote
I am the master of my fate,
The commander of my soul
Try having food poisoning, ain’t nobody in control when you got that. I laid in bed coming out of consciousness only in moments I’d have to puke. Around noon I gained enough energy to check my phone and see that Major had texted me. He was actually not far away for work and wanted to go on a date.
Why must me vomiting be tied to anything happening with Major? I like this guy, I don’t want to continuously associate him with puking.
Major’s job takes him all over the place and if I didn’t go out with him that night I might not get a chance for another few weeks or months. I decided to man up and drink half a bottle of pepto-bismol. This move paid off because by 6 I had been vomit-free for a good 2 hours which was a new record.
I met up with him at Lake Cunningham and he actually greeted me with some flowers. Yes, flowers on our first date. Or our second if you count the group date he didn’t realize was happening. You know we’ll go with first date, it sounds more impressive.
Now Major had told me that we were going to have a near death experience and something about the Lake, kind of didn’t put everything he was texting together…
The lake was frozen, or at least that’s what Major assumed, so we were going to walk around on it. When he started to walk onto the lake expecting me to follow I had two thoughts:
- $%&# he’s crazier than me
- This is how people died in the last batman movie
Come on you remember that part where people were judged and then forced to walk across the thin ice until they fell through. Yeah that scene started running through my head.
But, I still walked out and it was fun. A lot of fun actually. Except there was this time he picked me up over his head and in my struggle we both went down and the fall may have caused a few bruises and a new protuberance on Major’s arm. Physically injuring my dates really isn’t anything new, but I was just mad because my friend MT predicted that something like this would happen. I hope you’re happy MT, now next time predict that we run into Imagine Dragons and ride their tour bus. Thanks.
After we explored the park and I failed to climb the top of a playground-
Can I just defend myself to say that if I were not in jeans that I very well could have climbed to the top of that slide. I am totally top of the playground material. There is tons of facebook proof that I am-
After the playground exploit and some awesome constellation lessons (who knew how much you retain from Girl’s camp, and how much an iPhone app helps) I broke down and admitted I could not survive outside any longer. My hands had pretty much frozen into t-rex hands.
And finally, after much failed searching, we found someplace to eat that wasn’t closed by 9 (that’s Nebraska for you). I really liked where we ate and I’d like to say I have no regrets about the evening, but that’s not true. I didn’t finish all of the tamale I ordered. If you know anything about me, you know that I am ashamed that I let food poisoning keep me from eating food someone else was paying for.
Eventually the night had to end, and on the drive back I asked a little about the flowers. Specifically, why he chose the colors; all blue daisies but one yellow.
Turns out blue means calmness and serenity and yellow means friendship. I think he got the idea that I didn’t like getting a friendship flower on a date. He also said it was his friend Jesse’s idea. Yo Jesse, bad idea. Don’t do that again.
So now Major is off to a new place that I think could be accurately described as the Mordor of Nebraska and we’ll see what happens next. If anything I at least got something interesting to write for a Progress Report
Could this post potentially make me a terrible person? Yeah, probably. BUT I just feel for the greater posterity I should inform people on what I find really important.
Society teaches us it is wrong to judge, which is true. It’s also important to be able to tell if someone is a shady bean-sniffer or if they’re going to become my awesomest friend yet. I suggest all of you make similar criteria such as this.
The Quality of Their Toilet Paper
There is nothing worse than being in a moment of need and finding out that your friend couldn’t spare the extra $2 for Charmin and bought sand paper instead. Now I refuse to go into the story that made me realize how important this is, but let’s just say if it weren’t for my friend MT’s awesome personality I would have defriended him based on his toilet paper choices alone. Next time he has eggs and milk he will realize why I’ve bugged him about his toilet paper so much.
The Part In Your Hair
There is no excuse as to why you can’t have a clean-straight part in your hair. If you can’t fix the part in your hair you are also telling me that you secretly don’t wash your hands and you’ve never helped an old lady cross the street. Oh wait, I’ve never helped an old lady either, OH WAIT YES I HAVE BECAUSE I KNOW HOW TO PART MY HAIR.
Your View On The New Green Apple Flavored Skittle
In 2013 tragedy struck the world when the higher ups in Skittles refused to talk to the little people that buy their products and proceeded to go from delicious lime to satanic green apple. It wasn’t so much that the taste changed but that there was now an evil after taste it brought. People would tell me that there is no difference and I would tell them that I hope goats eat their innards while they are completely conscious. And I meant it.
Can You Tolerate Country Music
I live in freaking Nebraska. I came from a town that raffled off a goat at Homecoming. If you can’t at least tolerate country music then I shall probably push you out of my moving vehicle and erase you from my memory. Oh what happened to Ryan? You say he rolled out of a car like mine? I don’t even know who he is.
Do You Follow The Friendship Rule
I have this simple rule: friendship ends at midnight. You read me right, after 12 we are no longer friends until 6:30 A.M. So for those 6.5 hours no calling or texting unless it is an absolute emergency. And I don’t mean you’re dying or chased by a mob emergency, I mean like already dead and trying to send me a message from beyond the grave. Messages from the grave are welcome at any hour. Oh and if you’re a cute guy, but only on weekends.
Of course there are exceptions and extreme cases of each of these rules, but don’t ever assume you fall into that. Just play it safe and agree with me on these important things and we will be the awesomest of friends. Otherwise, I will look for the chance to push you out of my car.
When I went out of town for a dance I didn’t think I’d have such a story to tell, or that I would’ve thrown up but thats for later.
So last week I went to Kearney for a group date (even though it turned out the guys in the group didn’t know it was a date). I had a fun time with old friends and a group of guys that were only here temporarily for work. Or maybe they’re hiding from cops. Could be the latter, I actually haven’t seen them work. And it would explain why they’re in Kearney Nebraska of all places…
Regardless of their potential criminal history, I decided I’d had such a fun time that I needed to make the trek back and go to a dance the following weekend.
The YSA dance was pretty legit despite there only being 20 people. And for the first 45 minutes I was the prettiest single girl there! Until these girls from Lincoln came. Curse you Lincoln…
After the dance we decided to go to Perkins for an after party, since we had a good 3 hours until the Holy Ghost goes to bed. When we got there I sat next to this guy, Major (yes that is how he shall be known on this blog), who was one of the workers.
As we were served our food, and I was recovering from my onion incident (don’t worry I’ll get to that) I didn’t have a utensil. So naturally I stole Major’s without asking. He said, “Hey that’s mine.” and I looked him square in the eye and said,
“Well it’s mine now.”
All of the sudden Major’s face went blank and he grabbed my left hand and started putting his CTR ring on my ring finger. That was not the reaction I expected for stealing his fork…
I demanded, well more screamed for an explanation because I was kind of freaking out at how he was holding up my arm and yelling, “She’s mine!”
After the pandaemonium died down he and his friend Jesse explained how Major has a habit of taking things without asking if he knows people will give it to him i.e. food, food, occasionally socks. He had done this earlier that day and Jesse said if Major ever found a woman who does the same thing then he should put a ring on it. And lo and behold later that same day I come along…
My friends had some predictable reactions to this
Thank goodness my mom doesn’t have snap chat or else I would’ve gotten one like this
So now my goal of getting proposed to at a YSA event is crossed off, not really sure what to do with my life now that I’ve accomplished that.
Oh and about the Onion thing…
At Perkins we started seeing who could eat the most lemons (I didn’t do too well, I made it to two before lock jaw set in) and then my friend Richard wanted me to eat a raw red onion with him.
In my defense I had no idea what I was getting into. I eat onions all the time, so how bad could a raw one be?
I took a huge bite and easily swallowed it. I sat there wondering what the big deal was, then 10 seconds later I figured it out. I felt this burning in my chest and throat, that can only be described as the devil clawing his way out of your throat.
I knew I had a 15 second window to get to the bathroom and rid myself of the onion voluntarily before it came out involuntarily. I dashed and did something I hadn’t done since the time I ate two whole boxes of hot tamales at a sleep over.
After I rid myself of the onion of evil I got back to the dinner and was soon to be “proposed” to and eat the tremendous 12 piece meal.
And yes I know it is very concerning that I can throw up and just turn around and eat a huge meal, but frankly in my family it’s quite normal.
Btw I’m really getting into snap chat, so much that some of my friends have stopped talking to me.
I know I don’t often post on specific faith topics on my blog, even though I consider myself a devout Mormon. One thing that I think people unconsciously notice about me is my standards of modesty. This practice has become such a part of me that I can’t feel comfortable in anything that I don’t feel lives up to my faith’s standards. And I know times I’ve gone swimming or hiking and I show a little more skin people give me a look like “theres something out of place here…”
Modesty is a virtue I wish society would bring back. I’ve never been one to judge if you don’t follow my personal standards but there is strength in dressing in a way that doesn’t show off everything God gave you. I just loved this post because it paralleled a lot of views I hold myself. Hope you enjoy the read!
Originally posted on The Life and Times of an Excessively Tall Mormon:
Modesty is a lot of things, and it is primarily a way in which we show respect for our bodies and Heavenly Father. However, over the years, as I’ve attended Firesides, Girls Camp, Youth Activities, Sunday School, etc., I occasionally heard a different message. Modesty was my responsibility to make sure the boys around me were not tempted toward immoral thoughts or actions. Now that I’m older, I’ve started hearing it even more. This is simply unacceptable.
Implying that a woman’s modesty is something to be done for the benefit of men and boys is a destructive message for several reasons. The second Article of Faith states, “We believe that men will be punished for their own sins…” Constantly telling a girl that a man’s thoughts and actions are her responsibility is doctrinally incorrect. It also translates closely to the idea that it is a woman’s responsibility to maintain the sexual standards of a relationship. Elder Jeffery R. Holland said, “I have heard all my life that it is the young woman who has to assume the responsibility for controlling the limits of intimacy in courtship because a young man cannot. What an unacceptable response to such a serious issue! What kind of man is he, what priesthood or power or strength or self-control does this man have that lets him develop in society, grow to the age of mature accountability, perhaps even pursue a university education and prepare to affect the future of colleagues and kingdoms and the course of the world, but yet does not have the mental capacity or the moral will to say, ‘I will not do that thing?’ No, this sorry drugstore psychology would have us say, ‘He just can’t help himself. His glands have complete control over his life–his mind, his will, his entire future.’… I refuse to buy some young man’s feigned innocence who wants to sin and call it psychology.”
Did you miss me? I hope so, or else I’m gonna feel pretty lonely.
Anywho it has been toooo long. So what have I done since last posting? Well I committed the ultimate revenge by breaking into a friends place and giving him the gift of toilet paper on my birthday (it was payback for him blowing out my pre-birthday cake while I was at his birthday party…. It’s kind of a long story).
I lost all faith in my family when I learned that my childhood pet was put down instead of given up for adoption like they had told me. Nothing says “Family Holiday” like learning your family has lied to you for 13 years.
I got a onesie for Christmas!
Bouquet #10 was caught, which I think forever sealed my status as “That one chronically-single friend that will own a lot of cats and skin people in her basement.”
I’ve lost 15 lbs and gained a 3rd job! Which those two bits of info actually go hand-in-hand in a weird way….
I’m moving out of my ghetto into another ghetto! I really know how to move up in life.
I GOT AN IPAD!
But I already cracked the screen… Some things never change,